The Magic of Appreciation

Recently on the occasion of Cousin’s Day, we had a family Zoom meeting with all the kids in the family. I thought it would be fun for all the cousins to get together and celebrate this particular day.

My son then took charge of the meeting and said that he had a game planned.  We were curious. The game involved assigning a number to each participant, making chits with the numbers and pulling the chits in pairs out of the bowl. And the heart of the game (the actual action in the game) was that the pair whose names came up had to spend a minute saying what they like about each other. So basically they have to appreciate each other.

What a wonderful idea and what a lovely game.

We had an amazing time playing it. All of us had a smile on our faces. And that got me thinking about the magic of appreciation.

And how this can help us in organizations and teams.

Benefits of Appreciation in Teams

1) Keeps Us Happy and Positive

When we look at points of appreciation in people, it helps us focus on the good things. And that automatically elevates our own mood and attitude. And as always happens, we tend to find more of what we are looking for. Think of the color red. now look around you. Reddish tinges here and there that you previously missed will jump out at you.

However, this does not mean that you overlook poor performance or mistakes. It only means that while talking to such an employee, also keep in your mind good results he or she has brought forth. When you begin with appreciation and the move on to a particular issue, it is construed as feedback or constructive criticism. If you were lead with just the negative issue, morale and motivation are sure to go south.

2)Boosts Morale

When there is a culture of appreciation in the organization, morale goes up. People are more motivated to do their best as they feel valued. This increases efficiency and productivity, leading to more appreciation and thus building a positive loop.

3) Enhances the Creative Process

How are ideas treated in your organization? Are they welcomed or shot down? This is a crucial deciding factor that stimulates the creative process. Not all ideas may be practical. Not all ideas may make sense. But  “the best way to have a great idea is to have lots of ideas”. Create a culture of appreciating ideas.

This motivates people to think out of the box and express their ideas without fear of embarrassment.

You never know. The next million dollar idea for your organization may be right there, 

4) Improves team Bonding

Appreciation need not always be top down. An organization where colleagues and departments appreciate and support each other is not only a joyous work place but one that is on the path to mega success.

As team members appreciate and respect each other, better team bonding evolves. A strong team is precursor to a great organization.

Are you applying the magic of appreciation in your organization?

 

 

My Life

It’s early morning. It’s still dark outside. I know he’s waiting for me. And I know I’ll go to him.

I don’t want to. But I know I will. I am just too scared of him. I hate myself for being such a coward.

What’s it going to be today, I wonder – punches or kicks? I know I will be sore later, My body will hurt. On some days, it’s so bad that I throw up in front of him. Yet, it doesn’t move him at all.

Why does he have this power over me? Why have I given him this power? Why can’t I just end it all? Is it worth it?

 

 

 

 

And then I remember…..it’s a  promise I made to myself. To be healthy, fit and strong. To treat my body with the respect it deserves. My body is the only place I have to live in I can dedicate one hour for my fitness surely. My coach is tough, but it’s for my good.

I sigh and shake off the negativity. I change into my work out gear and run towards the gym. Is it kick boxing today or core work out? I try to recollect as my coach glares at me because I am minute late.

Oh, he’s so hard to please!!!

Guru Purnima- Acknowledging the Gurus in our Life

Recently, we celebrated Guru Purnima here in India. I am not sure if there is a celebration elsewhere in the world for this. Well, there is Teacher’s Day, but then again, that’s also an Indian celebration. So yaay for Indian culture!!

So who are our teachers in Life? And what do we learn from them?

Our Parents

This is a no-brainer. From the moment we are born, they take care of us, teach us every little thing to all the big things. The values we imbibe, the attitudes we develop, besides of course how to walk, how to talk etc we learn from our parents.

There is so much that our parents do for us- it’s practically impossible ever to repay that debt.

Our Teachers

As we move on the next phase of our lives and enter schools and further educational institutions, teachers come into our lives. Well, they teach A, B, C and 1,2,3..of course. and then so much more. As we grow older, we find mentors in our teachers.  Teachers inspire us, they influence our career choices, and some of us may follow in their foot steps and become teachers ourselves.

Of course, we are talking here also art teachers – music, dance, sports coaches and others who mould us and in a way shape our future lives.

Our Friends

Ah..there, I caught you smile.  There is so much we learn from our friends. Our parents would frown if they knew exactly what our friends teach us.  But then knowledge is for sharing, isn’t it?

From friends, we also learn qualities that serve us well throughout life- such as loyalty, trust and truthfulness. More often than not,  its first for our friends that we learn to keep secrets. Shared information that is confidential brings us closer. 

It is from friends that we first learn what is love and how to fall in love and often, we are confidantes and secret keepers when such BIG events happen in our friends’ lives.

As we pass on to different stages of life, we learn from each others’ experiences and these are useful lessons that serve us well throughout life. 

Our Spouses

This is tricky one. But yes, we do spend the biggest chunk of our time on earth with our spouses. Considering the 3 most important family groups in our lives – our parents, our spouses and our children, the maximum time we spend is with our spouses only. And it is  kinda difficult not to learn stuff from them the during this period.

Recently, I wrote a post appreciating my spouse, and all the things I have learned from him.

And after all, life partners complement each other. So if your spouse is ‘last minute throw things in the bag kind of person’, you can always learn from his experience to be a planned and organized packer!

Our Work Colleagues

If your are working in an economy, a country and a company that does not believe in a 2 day weekend, you are spending more time than usual with work colleagues. And we can learn a lot from them.

Look out for the habits of high performers within your organization. Definitely you can learn a lot from mere observation. And of course you also have to option to ask them People are usually flattered when you admit that you admire them and would like a few pointers.

Do you have  a mentor within your organization? He/she is the person who can help grow in your career and well as offers tips on a more efficient work life balance.

Our children

I read a post by Robert Glazer called ’18 Summers’ which talked about the fleeting time we spend with our children. If you actually think about it, we spend no more than 18 years (maybe upto 25 years or so in India) with our children. And when you look at it in perspective, 18 years is such a short period. 

Those of us who have recently become parents of teens (my kids turned 13 this May) can already see the difference in the amount of time they would like to spend with us versus time they spend with friends, online, and host of other activities.

I personally feel that our children teach us the biggest lesson on unconditional love, selfless love. There is literally no other human being on this planet for whom we would do so much without expecting a single thing in return.  And of course who can forget the mega lessons in patience that we learn from our toddlers who will insist on tying their shoe lace when there is exactly 5 minutes for the school bus to come.

We learn from our children perhaps the toughest lesson to stand aside and not interfere when they go through disappointments, pain, and heartbreak all part of their own growth in life.

As I wrap up this post, I urge each of you to continue learning all through life. There are opportunities to learn all around us. Each person surrounding us is a potential Guru and has something we can learn.

Also don’t forget someone is also watching you and learning from you. So square that shoulder and look the world in the eye.

Happy Guru Poornima.

 

10 Things I have Learned from My Spouse..

Today, on the occasion of my 19th wedding anniversary, I want to pay tribute to my spouse, Anand. And since last Sunday was Guru Poornima, I thought  of making this a  post by enumerating all the things he has taught me or I have learned from him.

Before that, did you know there are four most common ways of finding your mate:

A) Swayamvar- Choosing one mate from amongst the several that vie for your hand.

B) Love at first Sight: And then a lot of work convincing the other party to fall in love with you and then together convincing your respective parents.

C) Love that gradually blossoms from friendship: Takes time, but yeah sure!!

D) Saying Yes to Your Parents – YES..the typical INDIAN ARRANGED MARRIAGE.

Though options A) through C) are exciting the option D) is probably most common. I went with option D).

And today, big shout out to my parents for making the right choice for me. Thanks ma and pa for bringing Anand into my life.

Well now that the preliminaries are over, let’s get to what I have learned:

Lessons I have Learned from my Spouse

1. Always be well organized and have a routine in place-  From the time we have been married, I have always seen him tick off a check list before leaving for work. Keys, Kerchief, glasses, wallet. You’ll never catch him without these essentials.
2. Prudent with Finances: And thank God for that. This is exactly where I have come believe opposites attract. My spending habits and his saving habits will ensure that we live a reasonably comfortable life.
3. Don’t Make impulsive Decisions: In all these years, I have never seen him make an impulsive decision. He always reviews all the data, evaluates options, considers long term consequences and then decides. It’s a time consuming process, but a very organized approach. We have actually made presentations comparing pros and cons of various TV brands before finalizing..just an example.
4. Always Stay Positive- Anything that happens will pass.
5. Take care of your Health – He is an avid walker and there may be just a few days when he missed his daily walks.
6. Foodie at Heart: He loves good food and is also game to try new recipes, new restaurants and new menus.  We all have learned this from him (the kids may have inherited) and  some of our favorite family fun moments revolve around food- cooking as well as eating.
7. Very Generous- I have observed his interactions with friends, family and colleagues. He is generous with his time, expertise and money too. He  is never the one to back out when help is needed and he can offer it.
8. An Amazing Dad: He is very patient with the kids. He spoils them silly, but also make sure that the kids stay on track with their studies and chores. He doesn’t nag them and often intervenes on their behalf when I am (quite strongly) putting forth my point.
9. Travel Lover: We have had the most amazing vacations and will continue to do so once again once the world is back to normal. Anand has a keen sense of adventure and is always open to travel. He only expects correct and complete research and the credentials of the travel planner be properly vetted.  (Refer point 3)
10. A True Partner: He always helps in any and every household chore. Now especially during the lockdown, our work is equally divided. Yet at the same time, he often does more than his share..Just because…..

On that note, Anand, I wish you a very very happy anniversary. Happy 19th darling!! And many more to come!!

Are You Ok

I was just settling down to review a particularly tricky client agreement. I picked up my phone to put it on DND. And just then it sprang to life and flashed Mohit’s name on the screen. “Wow”. I thought to myself. “He just does have the perfect timing, doesn’t he?” Somehow Mohit singularly had the knack to catch me just I was about to delve into some deep work myself or at just the time when I was in a particularly challenging ‘Work from home’ situation.

Mohit had joined as trainee exactly a week before the pandemic forced us all off office. In all fairness, he had not gone through the rigorous training processes in our office. Yet, I was  not very sure if training would have helped. He was a timid, quiet chap, just did not have the ‘go-getter’ attitude or what we in our office call the ‘spark’. During our team Zoom meetings, I could see him struggle to put forth his ideas. Maybe he had good ideas, but somehow, he couldn’t express them well. And me being overwhelmed with everything including work from home, managing the home and catering to the whims and fancies of a two year old just did not have the patience to help him out. I had too much on the plate right now. If the circumstances were normal, maybe it would been a whole different story.

As phone continued to ring, I quickly turned to the mind map I had created for Mohit’s projects, trying to guess what he might be calling me about. I wanted this conversation to be as brief as possible so that I could get back to my own work.

Memory flashed by of the previous time Mohit had called. I had just prepared the evening tea, when the phone rang. I placed my cup on the table to answer it. I had barely said hello when 2 year old Akshara sitting at the table with me with her picture books decided that the tea looked interesting. And before I knew what happened, Akshara’s fingers were in the hot tea and she was howling. And I was shouting “Are you OK?”, without even realizing that Ii was actually talking into the phone.

I shuddered a bit at the memory and proceeded to pick up this call.

“Thank you so much”, an effusive voice greeted me from the other end.  I did a double take. Something was different today and that had me momentarily at a loss for words. Mohit continued, “It took me a great deal courage to make this call, but I wanted to do it” (me further flabbergasted!!! Courage, what was he talking about). 

The call went on. ” I have always been shy, not comfortable with large crowds and new people. I knew that moving to Mumbai for this job would be tough. But I did’t anticipate how tough. The initial week in office was difficult,  but slowly I could see that people were kind and helpful and I slowly started feeling comfortable.

“Then the pandemic threw everything out of gear. I couldn’t even go back home Staying alone in my apartment, my thoughts started spiraling towards dark depths. Each day was a struggle to get up from my bed. I was not sure how to handle this. I felt so lonely. But deadlines were looming. And I had committed to complete the project. I decided I would finish this project and resign. I couldn’t take the pressure anymore. I called you the other day to inform you about my decision. 

“Once you picked up the phone, I didn’t know how to begin.And suddenly you asked me “are you ok?”.That shook me up. Something changed. I was so grateful that you cared so much. It made me think of my loved ones, my parents, and I didn’t want to disappoint them and I certainly didn’t want to disappoint myself. Those three words made me realize that I don’t have to take all the pressure. There are people who love me and all I have to do is reach out and ask for help.

“On an aside, I think the three words “I Love You” are over rated. “Are you OK”- these three words are far more powerful. Thank you so much. That conversation with you turned things for me for the better. I am not 100% out of the shadows yet, but each day is getting brighter and the struggles seem to be ebbing. …Are you there? I apologize I didn’t let you get a word in between. But I just wanted to get this all out”.

My knees felt weak. I couldn’t stand. I tottered towards the sofa and slumped. Akshara was right there playing with her dolls. “Sure..Happy to have been of help”, I mumbled. “Bye..catch up with you soon. All the best”. I disconnected the call.

I hugged Akshara. Somehow, somewhere in a call that lasted less than 3 minutes, I has learned the power of kindness. I had never thought about it before. When unintended kindness can have such an impact, imagine what intentional kindness can do. Our actions can make a difference in peoples’ lives. 

Let’s all resolve to be kinder to our fellow human beings each day. That way, we can leave a legacy of a kind world for our children.

“Mamma, Dolly is crying, she has stomach ache. I will take care of her and make her better”, said Akshara. ” You do just that, baby”, I smiled back at my precious and kind daughter.